Monday, March 30, 2009, It Sucked and Then I Cried, a memoir of motherhood that isn't all tea and skittles

I thought I'd take to motherhood easily,having wanted a baby for a long time and also having had to endure fertility treatments to get pregnant. I didn't. This book is for women like me and women like Heather B. Armstrong, creator of the popular site (, a woman with a wicked sense of humor and the guts to reveal the nightmarish side of new motherhood. Hormomal imbalances, a tendency towards depression and other events eventually led her past the point of handling life without therapy and help.

This is one of the few books I've read which revealed much of what I felt as a new mother. This book, It Sucked and Then I Cried (a title which works on so many levels, even evoking monster movie images) had a tendency towards depression before giving birth. Then she had a baby and fought to keep that depression from overwhelming her life, all while adjusting to a baby who slept very little and screamed - A LOT.

I related to this book because I had a baby very similar to Leta, Armstrong's infant daughter. A baby who rarely slept, who screamed often and who hated to hold still. He grew into a delightful child and an even more delightful adult but those first months of parenthood were a shock to my system...and all this happened before postpartum depression was taken seriously.

Reading Heather Armstrong's book made me feel understood -and should help other women who don't find new motherhood to be all they expected. Hormonal imbalances and fluctuations are real and sleep deprivation and active or fussy babies CAN take a toll on some women.

Also, even in the midst of her most despairing days, Armstrong manages to find some humor. If I'd read this book when I felt depressed or sleep-deprived in the first months after giving birth, it could have been a huge help. I hope it finds its audience.


Anonymous said...

Keep writing these, I may not comment always but I read!

Allyn said...

Hi - Thanks for writing that message to me. How funny - it's a small world I suppose. Thanks so much for your thoughts on my dad. It means a lot.

I'm curious to know your name, so if you don't mind, please just shoot me an email with it. I'm always curious now to see what names and details I can recall without my father's help. My best to your family - allyn (

PS - I regularly read and enjoyed your review of Heather's book!

Aaron Paul Lazar said...

Jane, nicely done. We've been babysitting our sweet little granddaughter Isabella since she was born last June. This child is almost perfect, rarely fusses, and smiles and laughs all the time. (Jeez, I hope she'll not be a terror when she grows up! Ha!) Yet at my age (56) I am POOPED when she goes home. We have her every other weekend (my daughter's a nurse) and on occasional overnights during the week. This is a wonderful reminder of why old people like me shouldn't have kids. Even with a super easy baby, it wears us out!!! (not that I'd trade it for anything - I love little Bella to death!)Take good care of yourself and keep up the wonderful blog. ;o)